Early 21st Century Existence of a Self-Deprecative

Aug 25 2013

Goodbye Pitlochry.

After working in a hotel in a small town in Scotland, I leave for Ireland tomorrow. This was my goodbye message;


How do I sum you the three months you’ve given me into one word? Unforgettable? Unimaginable? Awesomesauce? They don’t do it justice. You’ve been the greatest summer camp (out of zero) I’ve ever been to. You’re not every meal; you’re something special. You’re chocolate cake. I could speak about you in vague colloquialisms ‘til the cows home so I’ll start saying actual words now.

You’ve been so kind to me. You’ve only known me three months and yet you’ve treated me as if you knew me a lifetime. I am overwhelmed by your generosity and kindness during my time here. I’ll miss every bit of this town. Whether it was a game of pool, a song at karaoke, a night in McKay’s, a trip to Perth, a steak bake, or even a 7:30am alarm, I will dearly miss every bit of this town. Carlow and Dublin will know of your hospitality and humanity.

I have met so many exceptional people here. I thank every single one of you for the experience you’ve given me, be it a simple “Hi, Colin”, a quick-witted joke at work or a long chat over a few pints. You may be a small town in the middle of nowhere, but your heart is bigger than Ben Nevis and all the Highland mountains combined. Thank you. For everything.

I’ll see you guys in Fisher’s for David and I’s leaving do tonight.

And to any people back home reading this, I urge you; If you ever get the chance to work abroad, do it. Just go for it. Yes, you’ll have to work hard. You’ll have to do things you haven’t done before but you will not regret it. You will prevail and come out of it having a memorable adventure. Also, I wasn’t drunk when I wrote this. But I will be later.

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Jul 27 2013

Phil Fish announces new project; Yamaka.

Jul 24 2013


A bit of news for you…

Russia declares war on homosexuality, Britain blocks porn from their internet, US drops bombs over the great barrier reef (de-activated), New Zealand is about to legalise spying on it’s citizens, 500 convicted Al-Qaeda members escape from a jail in Iraq, and deforestation in the Amazon has increased by 437% THIS YEAR.


(Source: lightblunt, via klgfanart)

110,757 notes

Jul 23 2013


I can’t fucking breath

(Source: captioningcrusader, via krystipryde)

28,869 notes

Jul 12 2013


Guys, I feel like an idiot and it’s distressing.

You sound like me after talking to any girl. Ever. 

(Source: newurlgoesrightinhere)

4 notes

Jul 09 2013

Perpetual Nocturnal Mixology 104-3: Memory Recollected

Everyone involved of the past two nights, including the [REDACTED], spent the following day piecing the nights together. One might think it was easy to do, but it was pretty difficult, to say the least.

Like a dog doing a jigsaw. 


Perpetual Nocturnal Mixology 104-2: Memory Affected

Right, well. After the night before, I woke up and made it to work 20 mins late. I was in work ‘til 5pm and when I finished work, [REDACTED 1] was talking about how it’s important to go drinking in moderation just in case it affects one’s work or personal life.

Little did [REDACTED 1] know that it should have been talking to a mirror as later that night, near 9pm, [REDACTED 1] downed two mugs of vodka within 3 minutes. It was funny at first but it soon became dramatc…

We were walking towards the pub and air hit [REDACTED 1] and it was feeling the effect of drinking. It was being funny but when we were inside the pub for about 30 minutes then it started an argument with [REDACTED 2] which soon began to be the topic of the whole bar/night.

I immediately went over to [REDACTED 3 & 4], two persons who work in the restaurant at the hotel I work at and was like “Okay, I’m sticking with ye tonight. Let’s play some pool and stuff, yeah?”

There was one point when [REDACTED 1 & 2] were arguing near the bar and I walked the long away around so they didn’t notice me and ordered a pint. The bartender put the pint right beside the two arguing and I said “Can you please, pleeaase bring that here?” He did and I gave him the £1.75 change as a tip for doing so.

The night had more stuff than that, but I find it as though I’m writing a non-post considering I have to censor so much of it, even pronouns. Needless to say, I enjoyed myself regardless of the craziness.

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Perpetual Nocturnal Mixology 104: Memory Affect

Okay, so… I had just finished my 11th day in a row at work. When I work, I make a serious effort not to drink the night before and instead, only drink Coca-Cola, or Coke as human beings call it.

Anyhoots, this night, I said “Carpe diem” (not “YOLO” because that’s a ridiculous and horrible attempt at trying to reinvent “Carpe diem”) and I went out drinking with my best friend, Bri, and newly-found friend from Scotland , whom we will call Jessica (for safety of herself), in the staff accommodation. Some pre-drinks were had and that was fine… Then we went to the local pub and I bought a pint and boom. 

That’s when I knew I was drunk. Because  when talking to a Scottish friend, who we’ll call Jimbob, instead of saying “Oh, Jimbob, I think for this shot, you should hit the red ball at the right side and it’ll more than likely go in.”, I ended up saying "Aw man! Fuck’s sake! Just fucking whack the right side of it and BANG! IN!" And directly after that moment, I was, like, "Hmm, that’s not how I’d normally say that. I must be drunk…"

After that, I had my pint. Bought another. The bar closed. I went to the local ‘nightclub’ (aka bar with a dancefloor). Bought another pint. Couldn’t find Bri. Found my newly-found friend, Jessica; she was waaay too drunk to go home by herself. So, I spent 40+ mins trying to get her non-walking self back to the staff accommodation…

Eventually, I got her home. Some people who work at the same place were watching me get her into her room. When I left her room, I said "I’m going to bed! She’s fucked!"

I went to bed. Woke up to a phonecall from Bri (who was at work, all well rested) which made me realise that I was about to be 20 minutes late for work. I ran faster than Usain Bolt and made it to work in ‘record’ late time. I said "I am sorry for all of this mess. Honestly, it won’t happen again." and my boss and my supervisor just laughed. They wagged the finger at me a lil’ bit afterwards but sheesh… I thought I was gonna be sacked or dead by the afternoon. Thankfully, I wasn’t but…

Unfortunately, for me, it was the longest day we ever had. When we finished at 5:00pm, (I know people work harder, strenuous hours but 8:30am-5:00pm is still a headwreck, espcially for housekeeping staff.), 

In fairness, I did fuck up. I was 20 minutes late for work. Some might say “It was only 20 minutes.” but to me, that’s 20 minutes that I let people down. All in all, though, it was a pretty good night.

Oh, and also, I met Disco Stu.


Haven’t posted in a while, so here’s me at Edinburgh Castle. 

Haven’t posted in a while, so here’s me at Edinburgh Castle. 

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